I've always believed in fostering good relationships with people around me to improve the quality of my life. Just to be clear, i'm talking about relationships of all kinds - romantic boy-girl relationships, platonic friendship etc. It's not entirely easy though, to engage with people. It takes time and effort, to get to know the person, to build trusts, to spice up the relationship so it doesn't get buried in the tomb of dullness and boredom. But all these are fairly manageable and within reach. What's even more difficult and challenging, is when an ordinary relationship leads to attachments, which inevitably result in expectations, and then disappointments, and finally, frustrations.
I know some of you might say that it's never safe or right to trust anyone in this world cause after all, you are always on your own, you live your own life, and you die alone in the end. So might as well support yourself and trust only yourself, cause you don't wanna make mistakes and end up hurting yourself. Hence, you stay within the borderlines of relationships, not engage too deeply, and keep them safe, an uglier word would be, superficial.
But, no. That's not how it works.
Aunt Jenny once told me,
Only you can make your own life great, but treasure the creatures around you cause they can greatly enhance your life and make it even more amazing.
All my life, i've been pretty selective in choosing friends. Don't get me wrong, i don't shoo people off if they're not cool enough, neither am i a bitter antisocial bitch. I have many friends, all on good terms, neat and nice, but when it comes to whom i trust, whom i am willing to spend my time with, whom i take effort to talk to, whom i actually care about, i can be quite picky. But this is not at all about being choosy or picky, what i'm trying to talk about is, how to handle the person you've selectively picked to be considered a friend.
It took me 21 years to realize that i have personal issues. I've always been a perfectionist. This perfectionism took me far enough to achieve many great things and fulfill many life goals. But somehow, it went a little too far and became deteriorating to me.
I always have high expectations, of myself. Always wanting to be great, but often think i'm not good enough. Yes, it certainly backfires, most of the time. But that's not that bad, cause it only involves me and i usually am able to handle it, for now at least. What's worse is, when i expect too much from other people. That's when the frustrations kick in, cause when i care for someone, i tend to try to change that someone, wanting him/her to be better, expecting him/her to be better, so that we can both work our way to becoming great people. I thought it was an awesome thing to do, you know, to bring out the awesome-ness in a person, makes me feel good about myself as well. But things don't always go the way we want 'em to. I've learnt to acknowledge the tendency of people to fall, to underachieve, to lose drives and interests, to not change, and to disappoint. But the mere acknowledgement is never enough to stop me from being disappointed and frustrated, after that mountain load of expectations.
I've been trying to change myself, to expect less from myself, from people and from the environment. But many things are easier said than done. Change is not easy. So that's why i can't change the people around me, and i can't change myself too, which makes me even more disappointed, this time, with myself.
What a paradoxical topic. You see how contradiction works?
Nonetheless, i've sort of figured this whole thing out.
Previously i had said things like "It hurts less when you care less." but let me make a few adjustments to make it more applicable to real life.
"Accept the flaws and imperfections in people and also yourself because they define who you are and build your character and most importantly, they are the doorways and blueprints to self improvement and learning opportunities. And yes, you can still care, but it won't hurt."
So go ahead, Engage with people around you. Learn to give. Learn to take. Learn to connect. Don't be afraid of making mistakes or being hurt. Problems are bound to happen all the time in life, preventing problems from occurring by not trying is not the way of living life to the fullest. Learn how to deal with problems. Learn how to deal with people. Learn how to deal with your own thoughts and emotions. Expose yourself to adverse conditions and situations so that you learn the tricks and skills to be tougher and smarter. At the end of the day, you have nothing to lose but a shit load to gain.
That is gonna be my own mantra for now. Cheers.
