just a lil flashback.

It’s my second year in medical school and so far, things have been quite alright. First year was pretty extreme, frankly, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally.

Coming to India the first time and then having to tell myself “okay this is it, i’m gonna live here in the next 5 years” was pretty much like jumping into a huge, deep, borderless pool of mud from 10 feet above. You either try your very best to dig out all the energy and breaths you have to swim and swim and swim, in hope of finding a certain reliable object to which you can cling on and perhaps be saved from drowning. OR you just let loose, relax and let your body float on the muddy water, convincing yourself that it’s clean crystal clear water you’re floating on. OR you just give up, and drown.

well, or course, the consequences to all 3 actions differ quite distinctly.

If you tell yourself to relax, your body automatically and reflexly ascends and stays afloat. That way, you’ll totally stay out of trouble hidden in the mysterious mud water. The best part is, you could just stare into the wide blue sky, totally ignoring the fact that you’re floating on mud, and convincing yourself that it’s not too bad. And that you don’t mind floating forever. This is definitely the safest option, but the downside is, you’ll never get to see the many wonders and excitement hidden under the mysterious muddy water.

If you keep swimming and fighting in pursue of what you believe to be some sort of a shore you can land on, or perhaps a boat, you would be using up alot of strength and will power, which may mount up to the highest limit beyond which you may just breakdown and then lose the battle. However, if you know your limits well, and are good at reserving and balancing up your energy and will power according to the ever-changing circumstances, you’ll be surprised by how the fighting journey could reward you in many ways normally not visible to an ignorant person. Definitely along the way, you’ll swallow disgusting muddy water or encounter a crocodile. But at the end of the day, whether you’ve landed on a shore or not, or whether you’ve found a boat or not, you know that you’ve gone through the battle, be it a winning or a losing one. You swallowed mud water, you fought a crocodile, you develop a great amount of muscles and strength and will power, and most importantly, you know that you had held on to the optimism and positivity in you to strive for the better. And to me, that’s priceless.

Lastly, if you just give up. YOU DROWN. YOU DIE. As simple as that.

well i personally have been opting and re-opting for the first and second options alternately, in a pendulum-like manner. It has never been consistent. Same goes to the emotions as well. And no, i’m not talking about the PMS moodswings. It’s more like the emotional roller coaster ride i experienced in the past one year.

contrary to what i had expected at the start of first year, that first year as a medical student would be as boring as my Anatomy professors, but it was surprisingly, rather eventful for me. I had numerous diarrhoeas, both mild and severe ones, chicken pox (which made me miss my first internal exams), allergic reaction to some fish served in the hostel (my first allergic reaction i never knew of in my whole 20 years of life, which turned me beet-root red and i had to go to the hospital to get a jab), BUT OF COURSE THESE AREN’T THE THINGS I’D WANNA SEE HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN. On a brighter note, there were concerts, band practices, from which i got to know a bunch of admirable, constantly motivated, musically talented people. Adjusting and fitting in the Indian community was difficult. Broke certain rules, got busted by authorities, involved in a police case. (notice how my brief my sentences are getting? Lol.) yeaa THAT’S ENOUGH INFORMATION ALREADY.

my point is, it was definitely an interesting year, i have to say. Satisfactory roller coaster ride. Definitely worth paying the ticket for.

i don’t know what comes next. This time, i think i’m gonna try the space shot. =)